


look at this love (look at it)

by foxerica (ericaismeg)



Series: omgcp [10]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 02:37:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10584666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ericaismeg/pseuds/foxerica
Summary: Lardo really misses Shitty when he goes to Harvard. Really, really,reallymisses him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here.](https://ericadays.tumblr.com/post/154997465912/look-at-this-love)

**x x x**

Lardo flops backwards onto her bed, looking up at her painted ceiling with a sigh. She remembers when she’d painted it. It’d been after a fight with her adoptive mother. Lardo had turned off her cell phone, shut down her computer, blasted some music in her head phones, and went to town on her ceiling. The designs were angry, heartbroken, and just plain sad. The mood of her ceiling mirrors how she’s feeling now.

Fuck, how did she ever end up here? Lardo rolls her head to look at the empty space beside her on her bed. She bites her bottom lip as she reaches out to run her hand over the area. Tears burn at her eyes, but she refuses to cry. It’s only been two months since she’s seen Shitty. He got into Harvard (and Lardo cried when she learned the news; mostly proud of him, and partly sad that he wouldn’t be around as much) and school’s busy. Lardo can’t blame Shitty for wanting to do well in school, so she never lets him know how she feels.

But fuck.

She misses her best friend. Lardo curls up into a ball and faces the space that Shitty used to fill. Not that they ever even kissed, but sometimes, he’d come in and spend the night with her. It had always been their thing. She used to tiptoe down the hall into his room. She’d curl up right beside him, put her hand on his chest, tuck her neck into the crook of his armpit, and they’d say nothing. They never needed to.

The truth is that she’s seen what love does to people first hand. Her adoptive mother had been a huge wreck over her ex-husband. Lardo has never seen anyone fall as deep into a dark place as Mary had. Once Will had decided he wanted out of their family, he was gone. Mary had been completely and utterly lost. Lardo’s relationship with her had become strained. Heartbreak didn’t just affect one person. It affects everyone around them. Like an addiction or mental illness. Lardo isn’t equip to handle it. She doesn’t know what to do, but she validates Mary’s feelings. She’d seen the way her and Will had been together.

His disappearance had come as a shock. Lardo wonders if it’s possible for parents to ghost their families. If so, Will did a pretty swell job. Mary’s doing better, but Lardo knows that nothing will _truly_  make her happy until she’s with Will again.

Lardo had promised herself that she’d never fall in love. Not like Mary. She didn’t want to be like her adoptive mother. It hadn’t mattered. She’d met Shitty and everything had changed. It had all felt so far out of her control.

Lardo squeezes her eyes shut when the hot tears finally escape. It burns. She yanks the blanket up to her head and takes a shaky breath. One day, one day she’d be able to tell Shitty how she feels. How desperately, madly, and wildly in love with him she is. She doesn’t want to miss him. She doesn’t want to love him. Lardo never meant to any of it to happen. Suddenly, one day, it was there.

Her feelings for B. Shitty Knight. Her deep desire to be around him all the time, to stand on the tips of her toes to kiss him, and to reach out to grab his hand. Lardo had prided herself on always being a friend first. Romance, as she’d always witnessed, made everything messy. Sex was even worse. But _fuck,_ listening to Shitty talk about his sex life around her made her skin crawl. She finally learned to leave the room whenever Shitty would talk about someone he slept with.

She sniffs, and picks up her phone. 3:04AM. Gross. Lardo opens up her conversation with Shitty, and scrolls through them. She finds herself smiling because Shitty had been sending her funny cat photos. He’d also found her favourite photo on the internet – a photo of a giraffe pointing a duck and the caption reads, “Look at this duck. Look at it.” 

Lardo can’t help that she’s stupid in love with him. He _gets_ her. For the first time in her entire life, someone understood her. Accepted her. All of her.

Lardo sends him the newest gecko emoji with no context. Those always made him smile. Once they went an entire week without actually saying a single word. Their entire conversation had consisted of emojis…which, well, to be frank, Lardo finds _hilarious._ Because Shitty is the kind of guy who will randomly send her beautiful poetry (sometimes written by himself, sometimes written by e.e. Cummings or Sylvia Plath). She locks her phone screen and closes her eyes.

Sleep shouldn’t be so hard. She’s used to sleeping on her own. This isn’t _new._ Except somehow, it feels new. Feels unknown. Perhaps, she’d gotten accustomed to spending her time wrapped in Shitty’s arms. Now, he’s in Harvard. Not that it’s extremely far away, but…but it’s not the same. She can’t walk down the hall because she’s have difficulty falling asleep. Not to Shitty anyway.

Lardo wraps herself in a blanket, grabs her phone, and leaves her bedroom. She knocks gently on Bitty’s door. He swings it open a moment later, and she can see he’s Skyping Jack.

“Can…can I sleep with you tonight?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper. Bitty leans in and she repeats her question. He steps back to let her in, shutting the door behind her. Lardo waves at Jack. “Hey. How are you?”

“Better than you, it seems. You doing alright, Larissa? Do you need me to–?”

“No!” she says, a little too quickly. Bitty and Jack share a look through their webcams. Lardo yawns. “I just…can’t sleep.”

“Come on,” Bitty says, leading her to the bed. He pulls down part of his covers and gives her a smile. “Jack was just telling me all about the Falconers.”

Lardo nods, curling up on the bed beside Bitty. He shuffles and finally settles in with his laptop on his lap. Lardo puts her head against his arm, and within minutes, she’s asleep.

Bitty and Jack continue talking, very quietly, and Bitty strokes his thumb against her wrist.

She dreams of Shitty. She always dreams of Shitty.

 

x x x

 

Lardo receives a door emoji a few weeks later. It’s almost three in the morning, but she hears her phone go off anyway. She’s never been a light sleeper, but the truth is that she hasn’t been sleeping very well lately anyway. Lardo’s heart starts to pound hard though. Because the door emoji from Shitty only means one thing.

She gets up and quietly opens her door. Shitty’s beautiful smiling face is on the other side. Without worrying about waking anyone else up, Lardo throws her arms around his neck. “Shitty, I—I missed you. God, I missed you so much.”

“Me too, kid.”

 _Kid._ Not sweetheart. Lardo’s stomach drops, but she lets him in and shuts the door behind him so softly to avoid waking anyone else. He sits down on the end of her bed and puts his face into his hands. Lardo sits down beside him.

“Shitty?”

“Harvard is hard. It’s a lot of work. I want to succeed. I do. But then I was writing a short answer about success and I realized…I’m not happy, Larissa.”

Her real name. This is a Serious Conversation. She sits down beside him. “You’re not?”

“No. I’m not playing hockey. I’m not here. I love the Samwell hockey team. We’re family here. And…you’re not there. How could I have left my best friend behind?” Shitty asks, frowning.

Lardo reaches out to grab his hand. “Listen to me, you worked _so_ hard for this. You _earned_ this. You deserve to be at Harvard. You didn’t leave me behind. I’m right here. You’re my best friend and I’m so, so proud of you.”

“But Larissa…”

“Knight,” she calls him. He refuses to let her call him by his first name, even though she knows it. He looks at her, surprised. “You’re my best friend. You’re my…”

 _Everything. My soul mate. My one true love. My fairy tale. My…_ fuck, she’s so far gone. This is completely ridiculous.

“I can’t imagine life without you, okay? But you deserve to go to the school of your dreams. You’ll learn so much and you’ll grow so much. And if you ever need to come home, to the Haus, you know you’ll have a spot here. No one can replace that.”

He smiles at her, brushing a piece of her hair from her face. Her body is covered with goosebumps. Then he sighs. “I guess you’re right. Can we get some sleep? I have a big exam tomorrow.”

Lardo nods, and they crawl into bed. She yawns, happy that the space beside her is no longer empty. She snuggles into him and presses her lips against his cheek. “I missed you.”

“I miss you so much,” Shitty whispers. He squeezes her tightly, before closing his eyes. Lardo can’t fall asleep just yet. Her eyes trace the outlines of his face in the darkness. There’s a small streak of light that shines in from the window highlighting his mouth; Lardo’s never been so grateful for a streetlamp in her life.

Shitty’s soft snores start, and she knows he’s already in a deep sleep. Lardo reaches out to brush a thumb against his bottom lip. He doesn’t stir. She nuzzles her face against his cheek and closes her eyes.

Lardo doesn’t fall asleep. She’s afraid if she does, she’ll wake up in an empty bed. The thing about Shitty is that he fits into her life so well. It’s as if there had always been a spot for him to fill before they met. Lardo doesn’t want to feel this way about him. If he knew…well, she’s not sure what would happen. He wouldn’t take her feelings lightly, she knows. He’d probably cradle her face in his hands and tell her how much he loves her. 

But the odds of Shitty being madly, wildly, stupidly in love with her? So slim, her chest aches. Shitty would’ve told her. Somehow. He would’ve told her that it was more than simple friendship between them.

Shitty isn’t one to run from his feelings. That’s Lardo. That’s her thing.

She falls asleep only when Shitty intertwines their fingers together closer to five in the morning.

 

x x x

 

Lardo wakes up, alone in her bed. She feels a little empty; her fear had come true. She stretches her arm out to grab onto the pillow Shitty had used. Without opening her eyes, she pulls it in close to her face and lets herself take a deep breath.

The smell of Shitty is still there. It makes her feel a little less alone. There’s the sound of paper crinkling when she squeezes it tighter. Lardo shifts and spies a piece of paper. It’s very Shitty of him to have left her a note. A smile reaches her face before she even has a chance to open it.

Lardo thumbs it open.

Shitty has scrawled on it.

 

_**L,** _

 

_**You looked too beautiful to stir this morning. There’s coffee downstairs waiting for you. I’ll text you after my exam.** _

 

_**Love,** _

_**S.** _

 

She smiles and slowly makes her way downstairs. Lardo’s wearing a pair of Shitty’s old boxers and one of his shirts that got ruined while he helped her with an art project. Her hair is a hug mess, but she doesn’t care. None of the Samwell boys would care either.

Lardo makes her way into the kitchen and sees a note on the coffee maker.

 

**THIS IS LARDO’S. DO NOT TOUCH OR ELSE YOU’RE STUCK DEALING WITH HER WRATH. GOOD LUCK W THAT.**

**S.**

 

 ****Lardo laughs and makes herself a cup of coffee. It smells hot and fresh. He must have put it on a timer. If only every day could be like this. If only she could spend every night with him. She’d heard him talking to Jack about some date that he was going on a few weeks ago. Lardo had never asked him about it. She hadn’t wanted to know. Bitty mentioned something about Shitty being a huge romantic last week. Lardo had left the room.

Fuck, she hates herself a little for being in love with her best friend. It could never work. _How_ could it possibly work? B. Shitty. Knight. He’s her _best_ friend. He’s the one that she can call after midnight to discuss what it must be like to have a giraffe’s neck. He’s the one who knows how she feels before she can even name it. Shitty is the one who fits into her life so easily that Lardo can barely remember a time before she knew him. He’s her…well, he’s her everything.

And she’s not going to let some stupid crush ruin that. No way. She loves him too much to do that.

“Hey, Lardo,” a voice comes from behind her. She spins around to lean against the counter. Bitty looks like he’s coming back from the rink.

“Morning, Bitty. Extra practice this morning?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugs. “Jack said that just ‘cause he’s not around much anymore that I shouldn’t stop practicing being checked.”

“And who has been helping you?”

As soon as the words are out of her mouth, she hears Ransom and Holster stumbling in. They’re chatting a mile a minute to each other, both laughing so hard that Lardo can’t understand a word they’re saying. They both pause in the kitchen archway and greet her.

“Morning boys,” she says, with a smile.

“I saw a note from Shitty. He was here last night?” Ransom asks. Holster leans into him, and Lardo wonders if they’re ever going to admit they’re in love with each other.

“Uh, yeah. He stopped by pretty late. Says hi,” Lardo says with a nod. “He didn’t stay very long.”

“Hmm,” Bitty says, with a slow nod. Lardo bites her bottom lip. Bitty had clearly run into Shitty this morning. “I hope he’s doing well. It’s been a while since he’s been around. Anyway, you two should hit the showers again. I don’t know what you did when you showered at the rink, but it wasn’t good enough.”

Ransom and Holster share a look, start laughing, and Bitty ushers them out of the room. Then he comes back and sits down at the kitchen table. Lardo gives him a smile and then takes a deliberate sip from her coffee mug.

“Wanna talk about it?” Bitty asks.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Lardo answers, shaking her head. She doesn’t make eye contact with him though. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Bitty doesn’t seem to know what to say to that. So Lardo takes the opportunity to look at her cell phone. Shitty had sent her a message. She melts a little when she opens it up to see a photo of an adorable cat curled up with a deer. Unlikely animal friendships are her _favourite._ Underneath the photo, Shitty had typed, _**it us.**_

She doesn’t respond instantly. She doesn’t really want Shitty to know that she misses him as much as she does. It wouldn’t be good for his ego. At least, that’s what she tells herself. The truth is that she’s afraid he’d see right through her.

“I miss him too.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Bits.” She gestures her mug in the air and says, “I’m going to go back to my room.”

“I’m here if you ever want to talk about it,” he offers.

She doesn’t want to talk about it. If she talks about it, she’ll have to tell Shitty. And telling Shitty is out. Before she reaches her room, Shitty’s sent her another photo. A dog and an owl are curled up on a dog’s bed. She smiles and replies to this one.

 

**LARDO:** _I dibs the dog._

**SHITTY:** _duh. you’re always the big spoon._

**LARDO:** _you gonna come around again tonight?_

**SHITTY:** _do you want me to?_

 

She swallows and stares at the text. Lardo shuts her bedroom door and leans against it. She looks at her bed. It’s a mess. The covers and sheets are in a big ball. Shitty’s pillow is still crumpled up near hers. Lardo sets her coffee down on her bedside table and crawls in.

 

**LARDO:** _I always want you to._

**SHITTY:** _then I’ll be there, lars._

 

She smiles. Today would be a great day to start a new art project.

 

x x x

 

When Lardo had sent out the email for Study Sunday, she had added Shitty’s name despite the fact that he’s no longer part of her hockey team. She’d also included Jack in the email, on the off-chance that he also was free to join. She’d started it last year. Study Sunday happens once a month. The team piles up in the living room and they all watch some of the greatest hockey games in history. Occasionally, Lardo will pause the game after a good move and they’ll discuss it.

Mostly though, it was an excuse for the team to bond over hockey without the pressure. They all shared a love for hockey, junk food, and alcohol. Lardo didn’t really expect Shitty to show up for Study Sunday. But man, is she ever glad that he had.

They’re watching Jack’s favourite game – because he’d flown into town for Study Sunday – and Lardo’s sitting on the floor in front of the couch. Her back is nestled in between Holster’s legs. Shitty’s sprawled out on the floor with his head on her lap.

She absentmindedly plays with his hair. The boys around her shout out different things, and while she normally joins in, Lardo looks down at Shitty. He looks relaxed. He pumps his fist into the air after an awesome goal, but Lardo isn’t paying the game any attention.

Shitty’s here with her. That’s all that seems to matter to her these days. Her art has become drenched in angst and longing. She hadn’t shared any photos of it with Shitty because she knows he’d understand instantly how she feels.

“Lardo, need a top up?” Chowder asks her, holding a bottle of vodka and some sour lime soda in the other. She looks down at her glass, surprised she’d even drank as much as she had. She hakes her head, and Chowder nods. He stumbles over to Dex to dump way too much vodka into his glass. They argue about it for a bit.

She looks down at Shitty. He’s laughing about something that someone’s just said. His eyes are bright when he rolls his head back to look up at her. They share a small smile, and she traces his lips with her eyes. It’d be so easy to lean down and press her lips to his. So easy. And so wrong.

Shitty is her best friend. Her soul mate. Her one and only. She can’t mess that up with romance and sex. It’ll just become a disaster and she’ll end up with a broken heart. She’s seen it before.

There’s a huge cheer that erupts around them – must be another great goal – but neither Lardo or Shitty see it. They’re staring at each other with a fondness in their expressions. Lardo brushes her fingers against Shitty’s cheek and he catches them with his hand. He doesn’t quite intertwine their fingers together. Instead, he’s playing with her hand and she’s playing with his.

Not a word goes spoken.

“Yo, Lardo, I gotta hit the bathroom,” Holster’s voice comes suddenly. The spell is broken and Lardo leans forward to let Holster out. Her small breasts are almost shoved into Shitty’s face and he manages to turn his head so that they brush against his cheek. Holster manages to make his way out of the living room without too much of a disturbance to anyone else. Lardo wonders if she’s the only one who notices that Ransom is missing too.

“Larissa,” Shitty whispers. She gives him a pressed smile. “Could I stay over tonight? I have class at eleven.”

“I have class at eight.”

“Perfect. I’ll drive you over,” Shitty tells her.

She nods, because she can’t find words to say. Her heart is pounding too hard in her throat. Lardo looks down at her hand. It’s sitting on the floor beside her. She tries not to make it a big deal but she moves it to Shitty’s chest. He smiles, putting his hand on top of hers. Then he turns to shout something at the TV.

Lardo doesn’t find it any easier to breathe, because she’s confused. They’d done this a thousand times. He loves laying on her lap. Loves using her tiny body for his pillow. He loves her head scratchies and loves when she plays with his hair. Sometimes, they hold hands when one of them is upset or happy or…just because. It’s never had this _charge_ between them though. It’s never felt so…intense.

She loves Shitty, and the thought of losing him is so terrifying. Lardo remembers what Jack was like after he lost Kent Parson. He’d spent far too many nights crying and begging Lardo to tell him it’d be okay. Of course, he’d managed to get over it. He’d even gone and fallen in love again with Bitty. But his heartbreak? Lardo’s pretty sure hers would be worse if she ever lost Shitty.

Then he looks up at her and whispers, “Hey beautiful.”

“Hi handsome,” she responds.

The smile that grows on his face makes her smile back as if she isn’t scared shitless.

 

x x x

 

“Lars?” Shitty whispers deep into the night.

“Yeah?” she manages. His head is resting on her tummy. Her hands are playing with his hair. She can’t stop staring at the ceiling. So much heartbreak. So much confusion. But when Shitty’s here? Everything feels good. She feels safe.

“Ransom said something to me the other day…” Shitty murmurs.

“Hmm?”

“He said that he thought it was odd but you haven’t gone on a date in the entire time he’s known you. And then I realized that _I_ haven’t seen you go on a date in the entire time _I’ve_ known you.”

Lardo swallows. She doesn’t respond immediately. What can she say? She’d sound like a complete nut if she told him that the moment she met him, she knew there isn’t going to be anyone else for her. The _moment_ they met. She’d put out a poster saying she needed some help for work on an art project. Shitty had showed up, asking about her ad. She’d been working on a very large piece when he’d walked into the studio.

Her face had been covered in paint, and she’d been crouched down on the top of a ladder. She’d huffed because it’s so awkward trying to get to this piece from this angle. It’s not the same as if she was able to be closer to it.

Then Shitty had offered for her to go on his shoulders. At first, she’d scoffed. But he’d pointed out that art is all about taking risks and trying new things. So Lardo had climbed onto his broad shoulders.

It’d been the perfect thing to do. She could get to the places she wanted, and Shitty had been strong enough to stand there without tilting or adjusting himself. Lardo had asked why he was so strong, and he’d explained that he was a hockey player. She’d never really been into sports, but something about the way that Shitty spoke about it…with such passion. Well, Lardo could understand passion.

And when he let her down off his shoulders, he introduced himself. Told her that he’d love to help her out when she needed an extra hand. Lardo asked if he’d be willing to give her an extra six feet sometime too, and he’d laughed. That’s when Lardo knew. B. Shitty Knight is going to be someone very special to her.

On one of their hangouts – which, to be honest, Lardo had thought were dates at first – Shitty mentioned their manager had just quit. So Lardo applied. She got the job because Shitty had recommended her.

The rest was history.

“Why haven’t you ever dated anyone?” Shitty asks her.

Lardo closes her eyes. “Just didn’t want to.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Since when do you care about my love life?” Lardo asks him, feeling a little panicked.

“I…I just wanted to make sure you’re happy. And that I’m not the reason you haven’t dated while in college.”

“Um. Why…why would you be the reason?”

“Holster kind of implied that it’d be hard for you to date when I’m always around. Like when we go out to bars and stuff. I’m always around. So most guys and girls would probably think we’re dating and…I didn’t want to ruin your chances of finding someone, y'know?” Shitty asks. His voice sounds a little shaky, as if he’s nervous.

Lardo brushes his hair from his forehead. “You didn’t ruin my chances of finding someone.”

“Are you sure?”

“I promise.” _Because I already found you._

“Cool. You know that if you ever wanted to date someone, I’d be super happy for you, right? Supportive and all that. I don't—I don’t want to stop you from being happy, Larissa.”

“Knight,” she says, quietly. “I’m happy.”

_You make me happy._

“Sawesome.”

Lardo plays with his hair for a moment longer. Then she presses her eyes together and forces herself to hold in the tears. If only Shitty knew…if only he had any clue.

 

x x x

 

Lardo recognizes the sound of Shitty’s low whispers before she sees him. She pauses in the hallway though, mostly because she feels like maybe she should go put some makeup on before he sees her. This hesitation allows her to catch him saying, “…if I wasn’t so in love with her, I think things might be easier.”

Shitty’s in love?

Her stomach drops.

Her chest aches.

Tears spring to her eyes.

She reaches out to put a hand on the wall for support because her legs are suddenly weak.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you kind of sad to be in love with her,” Bitty’s voice comes. It’s soft, gentle.

“I guess. I guess it’s because I’m starting to realize that being friends with her isn’t enough anymore. Or at least…it’s not that I don’t _love_ being friends with her. I’m actually pretty damn grateful to be friends with her. It’s just that I hate keeping it a secret from her. I want her to know that I’m so fucking delighted to be in love with her. That I can’t imagine my life without her.”

Those are words he’s said to _her_ before. He feels that way about someone else? Lardo takes a step back. She doesn’t want to hear anything else. But she can’t seem to make herself go back up the stairs.

“What if it ruins everything?” Shitty asks. “What if Larissa doesn’t understand? I don’t want her to think that I don’t care about our friendship anymore.”

Doesn’t understand that Shitty is in love with someone else? Lardo’s eyes flood with hot tears. She runs up the stairs and barely makes it to her bedroom before she collapses. She pulls her knees to her face and starts to cry softly.

Lardo knew falling in love with her best friend was a bad idea. She manages to curl up in her bed and she calls Jack.

“Can I come stay with you for a bit?”

“Of course. I’ll buy you a plane ticket,” Jack says, instantly. “Lardo? Is everything okay?”

“No,” she whispers. “No, it’s not.”

“Okay. I’m purchasing your plane ticket now. Do you think you could tell me your passport number?” he asks, sounding worried.

She rolls over and opens her nightstand drawer. Lardo reads it out loud and only when he says he’s forward the confirmation email to her does she start crying hard again. Jack ends up ordering her a taxi to take her to the airport. She shoves a bunch of clothes, her laptop, and a sketch book into her duffel bag.

Lardo knocks on Ransom’s door and says, “Tell Bitty he has to step up to be manager for a bit. I have to go away for a few days.”

Before either Ransom or Holster can say a word, she’s running down the hall. She bursts through the front door and gets into the taxi. She glances back to see Holster standing on the porch with a sheet wrapped around his waist. Ransom comes up behind him, his usually bright face filled with worry. She can’t be bothered to care. She turns off her cell phone and rests her head against the back of the seat.

“Going away for vacation?” the taxi driver asks her.

“Yeah. Something like that.”

 

x x x

 

“Larissa, you’ve missed an entire week’s worth of school. Isn’t it supposed to be Study Sunday tomorrow? Why don’t we go back to…”

“Jack.”

“So you don’t want to tell me about it yet,” Jack says with a small smile.

Lardo lifts her head from the hotel chair, pressing her lips together. She doesn’t want to talk about it. She’s not sure she’d ever want to talk about it. She knows it’s been killing Jack inside, and he’s done everything she’s asked him to do. He told everyone that she’s safe, she’s okay, and she just needs some time. Space to figure some stuff out. He hasn’t put any pressure on her to explain herself; that’s not Jack’s style.

He’s been very cool about her tagging along to his hockey practices and teams. Her professors have also been pretty chill about this whole sudden vacation. She supposes it’s because she has the highest GPA in her program, and she’s worked very hard to become teacher’s pet. She’d also submitted all of her essays via email with promises to have hard copies when she’s back. Only one professor was grumpy about her absence, but even he had to admit, her work is even more emotional since she’s been on the road.

“I’m in love with Shitty, and I’m pretty pissed about it.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because he’s in love with someone else. Of course. Because why wouldn’t he be?” Lardo sniffs. She’s trying so damn hard to keep it together. She takes a deep breath, but it’s shaky at best. Lardo wipes her eyes and tilts her head backwards. “It wouldn’t work between us anyway. It’d end up a huge mess and–”

“What the hell are you talking about, Larissa?”

“I overheard him talking about another girl.”

“I…I don’t believe it. Shitty is _so_ in love with you. He talks about it all the time. The whole team knows,” Jack says, with a frown. “What did you overhear?”

She tugs at the sleeves of Shitty’s sweater. She’s been wearing it for three days straight now. “I…he said he was in love with a girl. And that he wasn’t sure I would understand.”

“You wouldn’t understand?” Jack asks.

“Yeah. He didn’t want me to think our friendship didn’t mean anything to him anymore. Because you know. He’s in love with someone else.”

“And you?”

“Me?”

“Are you in love with him?”

Lardo lets out a laugh. It’s hollow. “Jack, I’ve already told you. I’m in love with Shitty and I’m _pissed_ about it. I don’t want to be anywhere near him because it’s too damn hard. We’re always touching. He’s always calling me beautiful or something stupid. And he uses my lap as a pillow _all the goddamn time._ Do you know how soft his hair is? It’s so fucking soft that I want to bury my face into it. I hate that. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I just want to be friends with him and…”

“And?” Jack prompts.

“And I want to hold his hand. And wake up next to him. And share nose kisses that will make the whole team vomit because we’re so cute.”

“Larissa, I think you need to tell Shitty how you feel.”

“Well, that’s shitty.”

“Hmm?”

“Because I don’t really want him to break my heart in person. I think I’ll lose it. And I hate not having control over my feelings. I’m always the chill one. I’m always the person who keeps it together in a crisis.”

Jack takes her hands in his and squeezes. “Larissa, you don’t _always_ have to be that person. You’re allowed to fall apart sometimes.”

She nods, tears coming down her cheeks now. She takes a hand to wipe her face. “This sucks.”

“C'mon. Let’s get your stuff packed up. I’ll drive you to the airport. I’d come but…”

“I know. I know. You have a career to worry about. Thanks for letting me stay with you, Jack. I really appreciate it.” Lardo stands up, straightening her shoulders. “I just have to tell him that I’m in love with him. That’s all. That’s not life changing _at all._ ”

Jack snorts and ruffles her hair. “You’re gonna be great. Remember – I had my big moment with Bitty at graduation and it’s the best thing that I’ve ever done.”

“Ugh, you’re such a big romantic sap since y'all got together.” Lardo wraps her arms around him and he envelopes her in a hug. “But I love you. And I love Bitty. And I love you two together. You’re good for one another.”

“I think you might find the same can be said about you and Shitty.”

“Such a romantic.”

A moment passes.

“Jack, what if he says I’m too late? That he’s in love with that other girl and…and not me?”

Jack squeezes her closer to him. “Then you tell him that he’s a moron. And you go to your studio and don’t hold back with your art.”

Lardo looks up at him and smiles. “Bitty’s lucky to have you as a boyfriend.”

“I’m lucky to have Bitty.”

She presses her face into his chest and smiles.

 

x x x

 

Lardo thanks the taxi driver and grabs her bag from the seat. She shuts the door and looks up at the Haus. She takes a deep breath. The boys would have so many questions, but the truth is that she needs to take a shower and ask Holster to drive her to Harvard.

When she enters the front door, she fully expects to be hounded. Instead, there’s a bunch of chatter in the kitchen and living room. No one had heard the front door open, apparently. Lardo pokes her head into the kitchen first.

It’s Ransom who sees her first. He grows silent, and everyone turns to see what he’s looking at. Lardo lifts a hand.

Before she knows it, the entire team has jumped up from both the kitchen and living room. They’re all trying to hug her and she ends up laughing, caught in the middle of a ridiculous hockey player pile. God, she loves these boys so much.

There a hundred questions that are fired off at her, but she can’t answer a single one. She puts up her hands into the air and says, “Boys, boys! I need to shower. Desperately. Please.”

“Let her through!” Holster shouts, but she catches his grin.

“I’ll make your favourite pie,” Bitty tells her. He puts his hand on her arm to stop her for a moment. “We’re really glad you’re back, Larissa.”

“I’m glad to be back too.”

“We love you,” Chowder says from behind some of the other guys. Lardo laughs and nods. This isn’t something she had ever doubted.

She makes her way up the stairs and goes into the bathroom instantly. The guys had been kind enough to ensure that her bathroom was clean as possible. They probably worried that they’d made too big of a mess in the washroom for her to want to stay or something. She’d clear it up with them after she speaks to Shitty.

Lardo strips and hops into the hot shower. Jack had given her hope. Had told her that love is worth risking all the other stuff for. That no matter what happens, Shitty loves her. He wouldn’t let anything hurt their friendship.

She hadn’t turned her phone on in a week. So when Lardo gets out of the shower, she has a towel wrapped around both her head and body. She grabs her bag and takes out her phone. She’s turning it on as she walks down the hall and pushes her bedroom door open.

Lardo’s cell phone starts vibrating in her hand as messages and notifications start coming in.

The noise gets the attention of one B. Shitty Knight, who is curled up on his side of her bed. Lardo drops her bag and lets her hand fall beside her.

“Shitty?”

“Larissa!” he shouts. He’s scrambling suddenly and then he’s wrapping his arms around her. “Oh my god. You’re okay. You’re okay. What’s going on? Why did you—god, you feel so good. I’m so glad you’re home.”

“Shitty, I–”

He starts kissing the top of her head; her towel had come loose when he’d hugged her intensely. Her forehead. Her cheeks. And then he pulls her in so tightly that Lardo loses her breath. “Larissa, I’m so sorry. Bitty and I figured out that you must have heard us talking. You left immediately afterward. And I never meant for you to find out that way.”

Lardo steps back from him. She has one hand holding up her towel and the other is tugging her loose towel from her hair. “Shitty, I…it was unexpected. Yes. And it hurt.”

“I didn’t mean for it to affect our friendship. You know you’re the most important person to me, Larissa.”

“I…I know.” If she knew anything, it was that. “I guess I just didn’t understand why you hadn’t told me. Falling in love with a person is a pretty big deal. You and I don’t keep secrets from each other.”

Shitty sits down on the edge of her bed. She turns to find something to change into, and the only thing she wants to wear is one of his big sweaters that he’d left her a year ago. Lardo pulls it out of her closet and drops the towel. Her and Shitty had never been shy about their bodies. It’s not their style. She hears him make some strangled noise, and briefly wonders if that rule has now changed. Lardo doesn’t really care. She pulls his old sweater on before going to her dresser to find a pair of clean underwear.

She finds a soft black pair that covers most of her ass, so she pulls them on.

Shitty is staring at her like he’s never seen her naked before.

“Who is she?” Lardo asks, because by now, she’s completely lost her nerve to tell him how she feels.

“Who—who—she is incredible. She is smart and funny and so open. So honest. So bright and talented. She keeps her heart on her sleeve, but she also keeps so much of herself hidden away. It’s something only a few people really get to know. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know. She’s so chill about everything, but she calls you on your shit.”

Lardo has to turn away so he doesn’t see the heartbreak on her face. “She sounds wonderful.”

“Larissa.” He’s standing behind her now. “You know I love you, right?”

She nods.

“Why is it so bad that I’m in love with you too?”

Lardo drops the shit she has in her hand. She lifts her head but doesn’t look at him just yet. Her heart is pounding. “In love with…me?”

“Well, who else would I be in love with?” he asks, scoffing as if that was an idiotic question. Then he grows silent when he realizes that Lardo had no clue. She turns slowly; lifting her head to look up at him.

“I thought–I thought you were in love with someone else.”

“There’s never been anyone else, Larissa.”

She takes a deep breath. She believes him. “I don’t understand. You said you didn’t think _I’d_  understand or I’d think you thought less of our friendship?”

“I was concerned you might think I was only friends with you to _get_  with you. I know how hard your parents’ divorce has been on you. I know that watching Jack’s heart break over Kent made you a little uneasy. I never wanted you to think that our friendship means less to me. Our friendship comes first. Always.” Shitty brushes a piece of her wet hair from her cheek. “But I’m stupidly in love with you, Lardo. You’re so beautiful and kind, and you’re the only one I want to wake up beside. Maybe it doesn’t last; but I want to give it our best shot.”

Lardo smiles at him now. She takes his hand from her face, intertwining their fingers. Standing on the tips of her toes, she presses her lips against his. “I’m in love with you too.”

“No shit?”

She laughs, pressing a hand against his chest. She shakes her head, amused. “No shit, Shitty.”

He grins at her. “You really are?”

“Mhm, I’ve been trying to ignore it. Our friendship is important to me too. You know…all of this could’ve been avoided if we had just talked about it. Can we promise to never keep anything from each other again?” Lardo asks, smiling at him. She can’t stop now.

“Mmm, okay. Full disclosure then,” he says. She hesitates leaning into him. His mouth drops down beside her ear, his voice soft when he says, “I really want to take this towel off you now.”

Lardo yanks on it, letting it fall to the floor. “Something like that?”

“Oh god, you’re going to be the death of me, aren’t you?” he says, moaning. Shitty puts his hands on her waist and lifts her up in the air. He gently tosses her onto the bed and then climbs on top. He moves some more hair from her face, and she does the same to his. “You’re stunning, Larissa.”

“So are you.” She reaches down for the bottom of his shirt. “Now, it’s only fair…”

He laughs, sitting up to yank his shirt off. “Just think of all the time we’ve wasted when we could’ve been doing this.”

Lardo cups his face in her small hands. She takes a deep breath before murmuring, “I don’t think it’s time wasted at all. I think this is the perfect moment. And we have the rest of our lives to get caught up on missed opportunities.”

“Mmm, I like the sounds of that.” Shitty leans down to kiss her softly and slowly.

 

x x x

 

“You just held each other naked and kissed and did _nothing else?”_  Jack asks Shitty for about the fourth time.

“Yep!” he says, proudly. He tugs on Lardo’s hair. “This one thought it’d be more romantic after we’d gone on a few official dates.”

Lardo laughs. “Bull shit. That was all _you.”_

“Jack’s just having a difficult time with the whole being-naked-without-sex thing because he can’t keep his hands off me,” Bitty says from the oven. He’s got another pie on the way.

Lardo laughs harder now. Jack’s face flushes a little and she looks at Shitty. He’s laughing too, but his eyes were already on hers. He leans in to press his lips to her cheek. “I can wait to get my hands on Lardo. After all, she’s worth the wait.”

She grins. “Keep that up, man. But I’m not sure I can wait much longer. Your whole five-date rule is _killing_  me.”

“Oh? Horny for me, huh?”

Lardo teasingly swats his shoulder, before she adjusts herself on his lap. She feels something…new, and catches his eyes. Shitty glances away, as if he’s innocent. She decides to keep his boner their little secret. Jack would never let him live it down.

“Gross, guys.”

“This is just payback for all the cutesy stuff that we’ve put up with for the past year,” Shitty responds.

“Honey, you have to admit that we’re pretty darn cute,” Bitty says, with a bright smile. Jack gets up from his chair to wrap his arms around Bitty’s waist. Lardo watches as they share a small kiss.

“Yeah, but that’s not gross because it’s _us._  It’s gross when it’s them.”

“Sure thing. Whatever you say, sweetie,” Bitty says. He holds up a spoon. “Taste this?”

“Mmm, what is it?” Jack asks.

Shitty’s running his fingers up and down Lardo’s lower back underneath her shirt.

“I’m thinking about branching out into cookies and…”

“We’ve gotta go. We’ll talk to you later!” Lardo says. She jumps off Shitty’s lap, grabs his hand, and drags him with her.

They rush upstairs, he grabs her waist after they shut her bedroom door, and spin around together. They’re kissing when they stumble to the bed. Lardo feels desperate. Desperate to do all the things she had been trying to ignore for far too long. See, that’s the thing with Shitty…he’s pretty impossible to ignore. Lardo runs her hands through his hair.

“I love you. Please don’t break my heart.”

Shitty presses his lips on the tip of her nose. “I love you too. Please don’t break mine.”

It’s in that moment that she knows, with every fibre of her being, that she and Shitty aren’t going to end up with broken hearts. They never were going to be that couple. Shitty’s not that person and Lardo would fight through hell and high water for him. Wherever he goes, she goes. That’s just how it is.

Lardo swallows, accepting for the first time that she’s really going to be okay. That it’s okay to be this happy and in love. She runs her hand down Shitty’s chest. “I’m tired of waiting.”

“Oh, thank god. I don’t want to wait anymore either. I think we’ve done enough of that.”

“Agreed,” she murmurs as she melts into his kiss.

 

x x x 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me [here.](http://www.ericadays.tumblr.com)


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